Summer is here - at last!

Lovely sunny weather outside - it's been bright and warm, birds tweeting, weeds growing like mad. The long, light days - although not always very warm and sometimes with a brisk wind - are very welcome. I've been pulling my garden back into a manageable state, slowly working through the tasks, and feeling nourished by spending time outdoors.

Still drawing

Pleased to report that I'm doing well so far, drawing pretty much every day, here and there. Carrying around a small sketchbook works well - I took it to London with me at the weekend and used it a lot. I've enjoyed the sense of space and time out that occurs during the process of drawing. Having my eyes and hands busy means my thoughts can become quite meditative, float and make connections. After my accident last week, I still feel freed up to draw without judgement. It feels different.

I received my membership card for 'Friends of the Hatton', and it turns out there is a group show coming up in June to which I can submit work. I am going to try to weave something for the May deadline. It would be a good boost to see some of my work on the wall again - its been a while. That's if they accept it. I read the terms and conditions again this morning - textiles are acceptable - so I'll do my best.

A sobering but motivating experience

I was driving along a busy dual carriageway on Wednesday night at 60mph when my bonnet suddenly flew open, blocking the windscreen. I couldn't see a thing, so all I could do was hit the brakes, keep driving in a straight line and hope for the best.

Luckily I was on the inside lane and not in the middle of a maneouvre in another part of the road. Luckily the lorry behind me reacted quickly and didn't drive into me. Luckily there was no collision and nobody was injured. I pulled over and assessed the damage, temporarily secured the bonnet catch and drove home slowly.

Now the shock of it has passed, it's been a sobering reminder to me that we just don't know how long we've got. One could go at any time in any number of unforeseen ways. Therefore, it feels even more important to act now, live in a way that means something to oneself, and do things that matter.

Reminder to self: watch that film 'The Bucket List'.

I may never earn a penny from making art, but it feeds my soul, soothes my mind and makes me feel better in myself, which has a knock on effect in the way I give back to the world in my own small ways. For these reasons I need to keep doing it.

Even the few times I have drawn this week, I've felt that familiar, sweet, expansive feeling coming back, the one that comes with I start engaging in creative activity. The feeling that I get when my thoughts start to soar, build, flow and mesh into ideas.

I realised, to paraphrase the artists block stuff I was reading, that it doesn't really matter what I draw, as long as I keep drawing. This is the main thing.

I felt freed up yesterday, when drawing in my lunch hour, from the expectations of passers-by. For once, I really didn't care less about whether they liked my drawing or not - it didn't interrupt or bother me at all - and that felt good. I just kept going.

I read 'Notes from an Exhibition' recently, a novel by Patrick Gale. The central character is Rachel, a painter with bipolar disorder. In it, Gale describes her as 'throwing off' a couple of drawings as her warm up exercise before she starts painting. I really like that expression..

..so yesterday, I also didn't care less whether *I* liked my drawing or not.

I just kept on drawing without judgement or self-criticism - that was a new feeling and a good one. It felt relaxing and freeing.

Getting going again

Getting going again is like pulling teeth - aargh! I feel sluggish and out of shape creatively.

I read up on Artists Block online. Essentially the reason is fear of failure and imperfection, and the remedy..? Just get on and do it anyway at regular intervals, and do things that feed your soul inbetween times.

I set a timer for 30 minutes before work this morning, upstairs in my studio (still in boxes and bits) and spent the time mainly drawing, followed by a little bit of organising and unpacking, so it's a start.

The other thing I've just done is to rejoin Friends of the Hatton Gallery, which means I can submit work for a group show in November. It would be good to have something on the wall.

Springtime

Hello all - I'm still here! Finally Spring has tentatively begun to arrive after a long winter here in the UK and I feel a sense of renewal.The birds are tweeting and it is a joy to see nature's greenery and perky daffodils again. Hopefully you are starting to feel similarly recharged.

In my last entry I said that my desire to create seems to be influenced by the physical space around me. I am pleased to report that, as of this month, I have a dedicated studio space nearby which means I can finally start to work freely without having to tidy everything back into storage on a regular basis. I know lack of space is not an excuse for lack of creativity, but it doesn't help.

So now..some discipline, some spontaneity and let's see what happens next.

Nudges

Hello again.

Thanks to everyone who has left comments on the last posting. Every so often over the past few months, a new comment from you, waiting for me in my inbox, has reminded me about my creative life and nudged me in the right direction - just what was required!

What can I say about my absence? It's that old work-life balance chestnut again. My natural rhythm seems to be to work creatively in fits and starts. I'm relaxing into that notion

My desire to create also seems to be influenced by the physical space around me. I am a great spreader of things around the room while I am working, and I've felt a bit cooped up. This observation has influenced the decision to repaint my living room (aka my work space) pure white. A new sandy-coloured carpet is about to be laid tonight to complete the transformation. The idea is to create surroundings more conducive to getting 'in the zone'. More on this later.

I have returned my attention to another love - making translucent paper constructions. I am fascinated by the idea of strength, fragility and contained space. It also enables me to work out ideas for 3-D weavings. I'll say more soon, and add photos.

Discipline

Once again, I remember that discipline is the only thing that will allow me to produce weaving. When I was unemployed a couple of years ago, I sat down every morning to weave -my mental resistance to doing so soon surrendered - and as a result I got things done. The weaving started evolving. It takes time to weave - it is not a quick process. So to see results, as Tammye said in an earlier comment, you have to put time into the warps.

I regularly feel there is just no time to weave, but I realise again as I sit here typing that this is just a feeling - not the reality. I can create an hour every day to weave. I can prioritise it. So I'm going to do it - starting right now.

More later.

Tipping the balance

Repetition is paying off.

I sat down spontaneously last night and wove for half an hour. It didn't take any planning or coercing myself into doing it. I just felt like it. The mental resistance to weaving is fading once again. Ego (my fear of failure) is giving way to curiosity in seeing the weaving evolve. The balance is tipping in the opposite direction.

This design is quite textural. I've been wrapping up the warps. It looks a bit like brickwork gone wrong which I like. I took a look at the weaving sideways and I am going use this quality later.

Weaving a design sideways: When weaving vertical lines up a tapestry, the vertical warps dictate that you can only create very straight lines. However, if you turn your design sideways before you mark it onto the warps, you are able to horizontally weave across the warps what will later become vertical lines - ie once you cut the tapestry off the loom and turn it the right way up. This gives you as the weaver much greater scope to play with vertical lines and make them less severe.

A surprising find

I've started weaving the second circle now. But lapsed. My motivation seems to come and go in fits and starts. I remember from previous weaving experience that sitting down to do it every day - no matter how resistant I felt - paid off dividends. My resistance weakened with each new sitting. It was the regularity and repetition that were the key factors. This year, it has been fits and starts - not the ideal. But better than nothing.

I have just done a little experiment and viewed several of my weavings under UV light. The whole point was to make patterns that glowed.

Strangely, the woven pattern that I thought would be the least effective was the most effective under UV. Fancy that! There is definitely a balance to be struck between black and white to make the design work effectively.

So that has given me fresh energy. Back to the mental drawing board - I'll mull it over while I complete circle 2.

More on the way

I've now woven the base of the next circle.

This was followed by two brief attempts to start filling it with a design. However, I wasn't feeling very inspired at the time - which showed in the weaving - it wasn't really going anywhere - so I unwove it again.

I am going to revisit my sketchbooks and image bank and consider a few bold patterns, particularly the patterning on frog skins. I can then mark out a design on the warps and weave it.

I also plan to make one of the circles consist solely of text - that intrigues me.

Now I feel engaged again..and enjoying the potential.

More soon. . .

And I did !

I somehow managed to stand on both pairs of my faithful old glasses in the last week and bend them out of shape, rendering them unwearable. Thus, before I could start weaving, I spent an hour fixing, tending and cleaning my glasses - now they have a new lease of life and work better than before. I note the metaphor of getting ready to look.

So I completed the circle finally - after an 8 month lapse.

At this rate, I will be cutting it off the loom in 2020.

It is not perfect (note to self - the world did not end), but it is done.

I was interested in trying to make the circle more like an orb, coming out of the tapestry, floating in space. So I manipulated the weft quite a lot as I was weaving. It is slightly eccentric (ie not completely at right angles to the warp). I might try to use this feature more. One thing I was keen to do when weaving was to convey the shape without giving it a solid outline.

My creativity is a playful and social thing and I very much like to include viewers.

If - dare I say 'when'? -I have an exhibition one day, I would like viewers to leave feeling that it had been an enjoyable and interesting use of their time.

Now I can move on to the next part of the weaving. How exciting - starting something new!

The plan was to make a strip of circles, with different black and white designs. The warp is circular, allowing me to pull it round the frame as I go. I enjoy the idea of free will within a contained space, which is why I am working with clearly defined circles. What goes in them, I don't know yet.

I would like to weave text soon - something brand new to me.

Thanks again for all your encouragement - it really has made a big difference x

I am going to do it - right now

I welcome:

mistakes

botch jobs

forgetting what to do

happy accidents

sublime moments

losing myself in the exquisiteness of the fibres

remembering that i can do it

unexpected bursts of creativity

The loom is looking at me from the corner of the room

still awaiting some attention.

The mad thing is, I know what I want to do, or start doing anyway - it feels like a mixture of stage fright and fear of failure. What if I mess up what I have started?

So what? is the answer. Better to be weaving and making mistakes than not weaving. Time is short as I have three jobs - but I could still find time to do a half hour in the day. I do want to see movement there.

I have re-posted the above picture - this is where I got up to - and is my starting point.

The loom is still out...

...and patiently awaiting attention.

I found this skydiving photo online just now. Together they look like a net, it made me think of weaving, connection, communication.

I intend to revisit some previous 3-D work that I made. I have the photos knocking around.

The loom is out

..of its resting place and in the living room. I am going to do an hour later - and I'll time it to make myself do it - once I get back from my walk. I am expecting a bit of resistance at the beginning as it has been a while. Note to self: learn how to use the digital camera - it can't be that hard. Surface design, such as these frog skins, really intrigues me.

An online sketchbook

Time to start bringing a bit of fun and randomness to this blog.

Originally, my self-imposed rule was that I would only blog when I had some weaving to show. However, as it turns out, all that does is put the pressure on and I end up doing nothing, no weaving, no blogging and feeling guilty.

That rule has just been dumped.

Instead, I am now going to treat this blog as an online sketchbook - as a creative work in its own right.

I have kept sketchbooks for years in different ways. Drawing, photos, words, all kinds of things. The main thing is to let it go where it needs to go. My sketchbooks are records of ideas and thoughts, but they are certainly not about perfectionism.

Historically, I have been very protective of my sketchbooks - they are a sanctuary for fresh, creative, vulnerable ideas - I keep them safe from critical eyes and tongues and lack of imagination, so the ideas stay magical to me while they are manifesting.

The end results - the work produced - is generally what people get to see later when the pieces are done and robust enough to stand alone.

So who knows what I might decide to share here in this blog sketchbook.

It is impossible to turn every single idea into a finished piece of work, there are far too many ideas. The discipline is in picking the best ones and seeing them through to completion.

As mentioned in the last entry, it has been a healing experience to compare notes lately with another ex-art-school artist.

Four years at art school taught me some important lessons and honed certain skills. Over this period, for whatever reason and there were probably a few, I also lost a lot of confidence and didn't feel inclined to draw or paint for quite a long time afterwards. Since then, my relationship with my creative side has been quite sporadic and has never quite healed. Also, the whole issue of earning a living has been centre stage for a long time.

So it's time to start having fun with this and become fearless in the face of negative criticism - especially my own. At the end of the day, all I need to do is make things in whatever way feels right to me, document it in whatever way feels natural and take it from there.

So from now on, the timing of these blog entries is going to be completely and utterly random. I'm only going to write them as and when I get the urge.

Your visits to this blog are always welcome, as are your comments if you feel like writing. I very much like that you can share your thoughts here too. I haven't got into the habit of responding individually - I may or may not do this, I'm not sure yet - but this doesn't take away from the value of what you say. I do read them all, as do others. The energy you bring through viewing this blog and what you write is a significant part of this process. Sometimes when I get stuck, it is your comments that gradually tip the balance and get me going again. Thank you for that.


Image: a pile of sketchbooks (not mine)

Glimmers

Recent conversations with another artist have been helpful and motivating. It breaks the isolation. Just being able to talk about what gets in the way has been very healing. It is easy to end up feeling alone with it. But so good to share.

The lapsed loom

Oh dear, another long lapse...

Life events have taken over of late, mainly the two jobs I now do to make ends meet, and general life stuff which takes most of what I've got to give. Still working on attaining that elusive work-life balance so there is room for the creative juices to flow. I am quite accepting that I might have to be patient until things are looking a bit more healthy financially before I can work away more regularly at the loom.

For the time being, I have more or less sacrificed the weaving to make other things happen. Also, I struggle with the thought of sitting alone in a room. I would rather be interacting with other people in a creative space, rather than in isolation.

My friend Robin goes to a regular art group which meets for an art week once a year. I visited him yesterday and felt for the first time in a while like creating. It didn't feel like it would take much to sit there with my loom and play.

So somewhere in the back of my head, these thoughts are simmering away and working themselves out. More later. Thanks for your messages on this site.

PS I have started building the archway in the garden


Image: interacting binaries

An Evening Lecture

In early June, I attended a lecture at my local Guild called "Textiles and Clothing in Greek and Roman Society" and here is my account of it, written for the Guild newsletter:

Dr Clemence Schultze, Lecturer in the Department of Classics and Ancient History at Durham University, visited the Durham Guild in June and gave us a fascinating insight into the history of ancient clothing. [Some additional research for this article is from the web].

Textiles in the ancient world were primarily spun and woven by women. Socially, weaving was seen as a symbol of feminine virtue and industry as depicted in the myth of Lucretia and was held in high esteem as a wifely occupation. Women worked alongside maids which led to skill-sharing between women of all ranks during their many hours at the loom. High value was placed on certain types of items such as soldiers’ clothing. One interesting difference: In Greek society, women wove privately and virtuously in the women’s quarters whereas in Rome, it was seen as a social activity and carried out publicly in the atrium.

Weaving mythology also revolved around deception and competition. Penelope, the loyal wife of Odysseus - aka Ulysses- used her weaving to keep unwanted suitors at bay in her husband’s long absence. She began weaving a shroud, saying that she would choose a suitor when it was finished. It was a trick though (and a good one, kept up for three years!) as she would secretly unpick part of the shroud at night then weave it again the next day. Another story tells of Arachne, a shepherd’s daughter, who boasted that none could match her weaving talent and challenged Athena to a competition. During the ensuing contest, she offended Athena and was ultimately turned into a spider, condemned to hang and spin for eternity as punishment. Competing with peers to determine one’s social esteem seemed to be a particularly Greek custom.

Dr Schultze discussed how information about ancient textiles and clothing was gathered, and noted the challenge of making accurate translations from Latin and Greek to gain meaningful results.

Surviving literature from the ancient era consists mainly of technical documents which give scarce mention to arts and crafts since male scholars didn’t regard them as significant. One exception was the scholar Pliny whose life’s work, the Encyclopaedia of Natural History, survived over the centuries. Pliny wrote, for example, about dyeing processes and the best sheep wools for weaving. Other records also survive from this period including those describing textile offerings made to the goddess Artemis, detailing their garment type, pattern, colour, fabric type, and form. Fibres used for weaving in the ancient world included wool, linen, silk, hair (horse, goat, human etc), cotton, hemp and other plant fibres. Knitting, however, was not known to the ancients.

Art from the period such as sculpture, mosaic, vase and wall painting gave more clues. Dr Shultze showed us a range of slides depicting clothing and women weaving at the loom. She commented that women in those days were so skilled that they were able to accurately estimate the weight of raw fibre needed to create a final garment. Original traces of paint on a ‘Peplos Kore’ statue (a statue of a girl or maiden) give clues as to the rich colours used in the fabrics. Archaeologists have uncovered valuable artefacts such as needles, whorls, bone tablets, as well as fragments of woven cloth which have escaped deterioration. Indirect evidence from archaeology - pottery with textile impressions, metalware with the trace of the textile in which it was once wrapped - also indicate spinning and weaving techniques. Additionally, warp-weighted looms were used in Scandinavia until the early twentieth century. Studies of this living tradition helped researchers understand how the looms of the ancient world operated.

Dr Schulze described some of the types of clothing worn at the time. The peplos, an overfold pinned to your shoulders, gave a blouson effect. The chiton, a tube shaped garment, had sleeves created by multiple loops, ties or toggles. Sewing was generally avoided as needles were crude. The toga was developed around 90BC. It involved a lot of cloth, the length of which was generally three times the distance from shoulder to ground of the wearer. It was a roughly semi circular shape with a woven curved border - cutting was avoided - and rank was indicated by adding a coloured border.

Unlike the Greeks, Romans used clothing symbolically: for them clothing was costume. Whereas simple clothes were worn at home, the toga was a status symbol to be worn in public. Looking dignified in such a cumbersome garment took practice. It marked one out as male (enhancing one’s physique), moneyed (you could afford someone to help you put it on), and as a free Roman citizen. Women also wore a version of the toga, a long tunic called a stola. It was generally worn over a tunica, the basic full length item of clothing worn by all women. Either garment could have an instita, or border, along its lower hem, and the palla, a type of shawl, was draped around the shoulders.

During a Q&A session, some Guild members speculated on whether men would also have woven cloth, particularly larger, heavier items such as sails, perhaps using hemp or coarse linen, and whether family businesses may have specialised in such areas.

Dr Schultze is currently teaching a new module called “Clothing the Body, Garbing the Past”. The evening finished with an invitation to Guild members to view the display of current student projects: their ‘process portfolios’ which recorded the planning, research and reflection involved in recreating items from the ancient world, as well as the dyed samples, garments, footwear and other items themselves.

Absence from the loom

It has been eight weeks since my last entry.

Thank you for taking time since then to leave comments on my blog. Each one has felt like a little ‘energy’ present from you to me, gently encouraging and reminding me to weave. Finally, the balance has tipped and here I am again.

My life-work balance shifted over the last couple of months: a temporary increase of hours in my paid job meant the energy or desire to weave dwindled and it all quietly took a backseat. Things are now back to normal though and I am perking up again.

It highlights to me the classic question experienced by anyone pursuing a vocational activity: How do you earn enough money and feed your soul at the same time? My compromise has been to work less, weave more, and accept a lower income. It’s about choice and sacrifice: not everything is possible, but some of the good and important things are possible.

The warmer weather has led me outdoors. The sun, at last, has been making its presence known after a long damp winter and so my recent creative energy has been spent outside in the garden. I’ve been thinking about bringing the weaving outdoors by creating functional structures which form an integral part of the garden. I have been considering what materials I might use and how to make them weather resistant.

My first project is to recreate an old archway which finally collapsed during a vigorous storm several months ago. I harvested branches from a budlia at the back of the garden, which are currently strewn around, sorted into straight, bendy, forked and irregular limbs. With these, I hope to recreate the archway which the vegetation can then grow into and embrace. The idea of having a subtle, creative presence in the garden is appealing

Are these reasons not to be weaving though, I ask myself.

I have just fetched my loom out from storage to take a fresh look. The black and white design makes me think of the energy of woodcuts. I like its immediacy. I hope to create work with energy about it, intrigue and interest. The panel of circles is still on the agenda. I look forward to playing more on the warps. There is something about the realness of the materials which I find healing and reassuring: the physicality of the wood, the firm warp, the fibrous wool. What I love about weaving is the simplicity, the focus, and the quietness. I haven’t been in a very quiet and balanced place of late, and so my mind has been resistant to sitting at the loom - but I am here again, touching base.